Saturday, December 8, 2007

The Golden Stinker

I saw The Golden Compass tonight. It shall I put it? A dud. A major stinker. A ridiculously contrived fantasy wannabe. A miserable bomb with stilted dialogue, a meandering plot, stupid names, terrible acting (especially Nicole Kidman, who was so annoying playing the part of the villain that all I wanted to do the entire time was punch her in the face), and horrible world-building.

Lord of the Rings, this ain't.

In fact, it was so bad that we almost walked out in the middle of it, except I didn't want to compound the waste of the $17.50 we spent on the tickets. It's very rare when I feel like I have nothing to lose by walking out in the middle of a movie, so when I do feel this way it's gotta be pretty bad.

It was so much worse than Chronicles of Narnia, and that's saying a lot, because Narnia sucked butt big time. At least Narnia had an interesting warrior queen villainness and a cool final battle scene. Golden Compass had nothing redeeming about it except for the fact that it ended. Oh, and Daniel Craig, but he was only there for a total of five minutes and his plot had no resolution (I guess they left that for the sequel) so even Daniel Craig failed to lift this stinker bomb dud into the level of the tolerable.

All ten fingers and all ten toes thumbs down!

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