Fake resolutions

I have never in all my life made New Year's resolutions, but I thought it would be fun to make some up if I were the kind of person to make such resolutions. So, with the understanding that I have absolutely no intentions of following through, here are my fake resolutions for 2009:

1. Stop honking at fellow motorists and giving them the finger.
2. Stop ogling diamond rings on Pricescope.
3. Stop ogling shoes on endless.com.
4. Join the gym at work and get back on the treadmill (ahahahahaha!)
5. Stop hating on David Gibbins. I'm sure he didn't set out to be such a crappy author.
   
6. Be nicer to my fellow train passengers.
7. Stop driving Mr Hazel batty with discussions of Twilight (keep dreaming, Mr Hazel!)
8. Decrease the amount of poop jokes I tell to people.
9. Stop obsessing over the cupcakes at Red Velvet Cupcakery.
   
10. Eat real salad with actual vegetables instead of bacon in the ingredients.

Well, good thing I'm not following through on these or I'd be in real trouble.